Radhanath Swami – The Mindset Behind Successful Relationships

Published on September 25, 2020 by

There is a wonderful analogy about the honeybee and the fly. It teaches us a valuable lesson to improve our relationships and the quality of life. The honeybee flies from flower to flower. Extracting only the nectar without disturbing the flower. The mindset of a honeybee is to seek the essence of each flower. Even in a place filled with rotting garbage rather than giving its attention to all the filth, the honeybee keeps its focus on finding nectar and it eagerly flies to even a single tiny flower amidst miles and miles of garbage. In our relationships we have much to learn from the honeybee; it is teaching us the art of focusing on the positives and dealing appropriately with the faults in each other. There will be faults everywhere and in everyone, there is never a shortage of things to complain about, but just as the honeybee seeks nectar even in the most unexpected of places, we can aim to seek the positive qualities in those around us. The fly represents another type of mindset in a relationship. Although each species can be appreciated for its particular instinctive nature, still we can study them to learn relevant lessons to improve the quality of our own lives. On an otherwise healthy body the fly will focus on sucking an infectious scab. The fly may travel over hundreds of flowers, but what does it focus on? It focuses on tasting garbage and excrement. It ignores the sweet fragrance of rose gardens and even in the best of circumstances, and in the tidiest places, the fly will focus on the trash. This represents the mindset of ignoring the good qualities in those around us, and focusing on their faults. It is so easy, it requires no effort to see the flaws and others. Fault finding is a habit, the more we give into it the more we become obsessed by it. In relationships it is important to have honest, well-wishing communication, focused on appreciating the positive while dealing with the negatives in a gracious, constructive manner. Trying to bring out the best in each other. In doing so we learn to recognize the positive qualities within our own self and to overcome unhealthy low self-esteem. Honeybee mentality or fly mentality. The choice is yours.

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